by Peyvand Sadeghian

Peyvand Sadeghian is one of our #LDTI2017 Ambassadors, documenting her creative process and epiphanies throughout the two-week Intensive. Here’s what she has to say about how she got here: where she is in her career and practice, her experience of applying to LDTI, and the support that has made it possible for her to take part.

Working in an arts venue, definitely not as an artist. You’ve probably been there, or are still there, from time to time. The job ‘between jobs’. It provides a more attractive option than working in retail and the like, because you can at least tell yourself that you’re surrounding yourself with culture, and the camaraderie of fellows in the same situation keeps you feeling connected.

Earlier this year, I had no idea that a casual conversation at one of those jobs with Amy Clare Tasker would result in such a big step for me. Amy mentioned that she was putting together the London Devised Theatre Intensive. ‘That’s amazing! I would LOVE to do that!’ …then came the ‘BUT…’ Barriers presented themselves to me before I’d barely finished exclaiming how wonderful it all sounded. Despite the benefits, I didn’t have the money, and even if I did, it seemed risky to me to take out 2 weeks of not being available for other work. For every excuse, Amy had a pragmatic comeback. Well I had to apply, didn’t I?

To date I have worked largely with new work. From the text based, object based, and devised, I’ve had the pleasure and the honour of being invited in to the room not just as an actor/puppeteer, but a collaborator in the earlier stages of creating new work. It is incredibly satisfying to see the development of these ideas through to what is presented to a public audience. It is also a really fun, and relatively comfortable place to be: I get to bounce into the room and play! None of the planning or organisation is my concern. It’s great. But I have ideas of my own. Ones I talk about in the pub, half-finished poems and short stories in various note books. Unpublished, half typed blog posts lurking in the back end of my WordPress account.

Even the act of applying for this two-week intensive has been a learning process for me. I’ve had to articulate my ideas, and take stock of why until now I’ve avoided taking more control of my output as an artist. I’ve always tried to keep developing as a performer, taking on new roles and developing new skills. I can’t wait to take part and take in what the amazing guest artist masterclasses have to offer. What I am absolutely chomping at the bit for, though, is conceiving new ideas and creating with the other participants, and figuring out how I can take all this away to start paving the way for my own work in the future.

As a performer I deal with rejection all the time via auditions and have my own mantras for coping with ones that don’t ‘go my way’. But this is a different sort of responsibility that I’ve avoided until now. With much time, support, and guidance from Amy Clare Tasker and Blue Panther Productions’ Laura Lundy, I delved into the world of funding applications. Character counts were traumatic, nagging doubt persisted, but in the end it paid off:  I was granted funding from Arts Council England.

For what otherwise would have been a financial impossibility for me, I am very grateful and feel reassured that there are people out there who think I’m worth a shot.  At the start of the year, taking two weeks out to focus on my own practice as a performer and theatremaker was an impossibility. Practical, financial, I’d have reasons why it could never happen, and the process of getting here has made me wonder how many other times I’ve dismissed an opportunity as impossible. Small, unconscious acts of self-sabotage, a resistance to taking responsibility? This is an important first part of the process for me, and I’m looking forward to sharing the happenings of the next two weeks with you.

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With thanks to Arts Council England for funding Peyvand’s professional development, making it possible for her to take part in the London Devised Theatre Intensive.