by Naomi Joseph

I am different things in different rooms. Sometimes I am a performer. Sometimes a writer. Theatre-maker. Copywriter. Content specialist. Colleague. Collaborator. Friend. Audience member.

All of these things are tiring in different ways.

When it comes to creating my own work, I feel particularly tired. Let me explain. As a solo artist, I have spent the last few years creating semi-autobiographical solo work around mixed race identity and bereavement. The process has been joyful, challenging, interesting. I’m proud of what I have produced. I learnt a lot along the way. But I needed to take a break.

From a practical perspective, I didn’t want to regurgitate the same material. It just so happens that some of the things that are really important to me as an artist and as a human exist as buzzwords in the wider industry. I can only create work that comes from an authentic place, on themes and issues that I genuinely care about. Making work that is current and relevant is different from making work that is ‘in.’

Plus I missed being involved in other people’s projects. I missed not having to create a work with a purpose. I missed the fun of it all.

I also took a break because I was tired from the administration element. Looking for funding and opportunities, applying for funding and opportunities. Maybe it’s not that hard. Maybe I just let myself get bogged down in it. Maybe it’s because so much of it still seems new that I feel overwhelmed. There’s so much pressure to have the end product before you have even begun.

I always swore that when I grew up I would never forget how to play. Whilst I know that I haven’t, I have been feeling a little too corporate, too safe, too distant from the freedom to fail, the creativity, the experimental playfulness of it all.

So 2 weeks of constructive playing is what I need right now, to help me rediscover different ways of playing. That’s why I applied to the Intensive. (Plus the Puppetry masterclass sounds AWESOME!)

I’m also excited to be in a room with other people for a decent amount of time. Creating your own work can be lonely, folks! I always thought I’d be one of those people who instantly found their collaborators at uni or drama school or something. We would set up a company and be great friends and make work as an ensemble…and that hasn’t happened. Which is ok. In fact I think that’s quite common. And I think it’s something that happens naturally.

So whilst it would be great to find potential future collaborators at the Intensive, I’m not going to force anything. Instead of collaborators, I might end up with so much more: friends, peers, future audience members for my work, future shows to go and see – or even if it’s just that nice person I met that one time I did that one thing, that’s okay too. I don’t want to put too much pressure or too many expectations on the Intensive because actually at the end of the day, it’s me who has to put the work in. I’m just happy to be there.

On a final note, I have been warmly warned that the Intensive will be INTENSE and so this week I have been preparing practically. Reassuring clients I will be back in 2 week’s time, wash all the clothes I intend to wear (I anticipate sweaty studios), buying healthy snacks and pre preparing food (lol, let’s see how that goes, we are gonna be near Shoreditch after all!)

I’ve also just been taking the time to sit in how I’m feeling. The Intensive is a big step for me. Rather than run away from any first day of school nerves (look, let’s be honest we are probably all feeling something akin to that right now!), I’ve decided to accept it.

I am excited. I am nervous. I am a theatre maker. I am a writer. I am a core ensemble member on the Devised Theatre Intensive. And I am ready to play.

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IMAGE: Noami Joseph. Photo by Florence Akano Photography